Top 10 Ways To Meet People Online

Heyooo, long time no post. Well I’m back with a new feature on this blog, a top ten list. Ohhh ahhh. Exciting I know. I’m writing this from a male perspective but this equally works well for women, just change the pronouns from female to male. Anyways let’s dive right into it.

10: Spam. I know it’s a dirty word in the internet world but it’s a fantastic tool. When you’re on an online dating site and find a girl that really strikes your fancy (usually looks wise first) send her a quick scripted message that you can then copy and paste to other women whom you like. I know this is impersonal sounding but it’s really a way to leverage risk. Specifically time risk. You don’t want to send messages to women whom have not been active online in months, forgot to delete their profiles, have a boyfriend now, don’t like your profile pictures. This is a simple way to weed out those who just won’t respond. Then the ones that do respond you can go and delve into the specifics that make that person unique and wonderful.

9: Honesty. Please do not lie. In general I tell the truth over 99% of the time. I will however omit some truths until appropriate or not at all if inappropriate. Take this example (albeit contrived): “Do I look fat in this?” reply (if she doesn’t) with “I’m not a huge fan of that but what about the *insert outfit she looks fantastic in*, do you feel that would be appropriate?” *Gets off soap box* How do we apply this honesty online? Height, weight, religion, kids, drinking, smoking…if your online dating site you prefer uses such descriptors to categorize and match people you will only be setting yourself up for disaster by lying. If the person you connect with online wants a date then eventually you won’t be able to hide behind your computer screen. Own the person you are whatever the circumstances, physicalities and the like.

8: Attraction. You need to put your best self forward. Be all you can be. Specifically I mean pictures, writing and responses. You need to have a specific look (e.g. preppy, business, surfer…) in each picture you select. These however are not Halloween costumes but your true self. Showcase what makes you special in the most timely (fashion wise) way you can. Also, make sure your writing in your profile and response messages are congruent. Speak the way you normally do in conversational language. Don’t be someone you’re not…notice a pattern forming here?

7: Inhibitions. You are naturally going to be self conscious when dealing with strangers and in essence marketing yourself. But remember there are supply and demand principles in place here. Honesty, attraction and spamming will help you to get more responses and more potentially more dates. But you can’t stand idle in the corner. In fact no one ever has a good time being the wallflower. Get into the center stage by putting yourself out there. Even if you’re not fully satisfied with your profile or overall message. You need dance time. Game time. All of your success in life has be precluded with failures or as I call them learning lessons. You need to gain confidence which you only do by falling flat on your face. But as the great Rocky Balboa once said “But ain’t about how hard you hit… It’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward… how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you!” Included for posterity:

6: Conviction. Most people online (men…ahem) don’t take the time to write effective, strong profiles. Instead they either act like a jerk to appear higher value or they write very little which leads to a first impression of a lack of conviction. Translated: You don’t care enough to take things seriously online so what makes me think you’ll take a relationship seriously. However, to combat this notion; take time carefully crafting your profile and responses to women.

5: Unplug. Sometimes our biggest hang up is spending too much time online. Unfortunately, I personally struggle with this daily. There is so much information available 24/7 that I can teach myself a new skill or inform myself of latest events at the click of a button. The ease and sheer volume of good relevant information make this particularly hard habit to break. However, I do love going outside, playing with my sister’s dog, rock climbing, brewing beer, drinking beer, going to Phillies games, hanging at the beach and traveling. Having extensive hobbies aside from surfing the web or scanning online dating sites will not only make you more rounded but also less of a hermit. Although it’s something I do deal with regularly there is nothing better than unplugging and experiences the real world.

4: Teach. To teach is to touch a life forever. I used to be a high school social studies teacher and although I’m not suggesting you change your profession, I suggest that you teach someone in your life a skill, event, story or fact. According to recent educational research 90% of what you teach someone else will be retained in your memory. As opposed to only 10% of what you read is retained in memory. So anytime I want to remember something important I will teach it/share it with someone else. This applies to the online dating world through shared experiences. What I mean is that you can teach potential dates interesting details about a particular hobby they list on their profile or something that you just learned and you thought was pretty cool. For example: Black Vultures mate for life. That’s pretty interesting considering an animal deemed predatory can have a sense of family commitment. Which I suppose explains how some businessmen (certainly not all) can be very ruthless in the office but excellent fathers at home. Now I know that seems quite random to share with a slight stranger online but I’ll tell you this…you’ll be a hell of a lot more interesting than 90% of the other guys out there and by creating a distinction within yourself and others you’ll stand out and be successful. Sorry for the run on sentence. They seem to contain my thoughts better as a stream of consciousness rather than a laundry list of ideas.

3: Timeliness. You need to be active online if you want to be successful. You want to be checking your inbox one time a day. Not 400 times a day but once is sufficient. That way you can keep your communication flowing without many disconnects. The more time that flows in between messages the more time there is to meet someone else or worse forget about you. I know proponents of movies like Swingers where the main characters wait at least six days. Personally I don’t understand the philosophy beyond you are high value and in demand so you can wait but you’re not a rock star or a movie star. You are you. Unfortunately unless you make the most amazing impression then you can be forgotten. In fact the more attractive you perceive someone to be the faster you need to book a date to meet because they have so many options. Supply and demand. She’s in demand and there’s a large supply of potential suitors. Be timely so she doesn’t get bored, forget you or slip through the cracks because you’re waiting an arbitrary number of days to contact her.

2: Openness. I already discussed how it’s important for all of use to be honest but I want to step in a different direction and discuss being unguarded. We all have had experiences that have hurt us both physically and emotionally. But that doesn’t mean we can hide from the world. Although there are certainly many people whom do or try anyway. But life is about both negative and positive. I know of a few people who swore or men or women for a long period because they were negatively effected by either at one point. I’m sorry but we must get over that. By hiding or even worse pushing loved ones (or new love) away we are closing off experiences that could replace the negative ones. Besides you never want to live with regret. It’s an awful feeling that I experience seldomly but it stings. Go out there with an open mind and an open heart. Sure you may get hurt again but it’s a risk worth taking to find something or someone amazing.

And the top way to meet women online…
1: Socialize. You need to get out of your shell in real life as well as online. Start with simple exercises such has have a 20 second conversation to a store clerk, neighbor, someone in a shop, post office, library, etc. Where ever you are outside of your home allows for unbridled communication. You need to become a social being. If you already consider yourself an effective communicator then I pose some stronger goals. Try having a 5 minute conversation with someone while wearing a silly hat, finger up your nose, etc. These things I’ve personally done and have only increased my sociability and comfort levels with strangers. Hell once you talk to someone with your finger up your nose then saying hello unrestricted is a breeze. However, word of caution. Communication is an active skill. And like all skills must be honed and practiced often if you want to improve or stay sharp. If you get into a complacent state you will likely stay there and have to rework your skills all over again (however, with less of a pain period.) It’s like riding a bike. You never forget but you certainly get rusty. Get out there are socialize.

If you have any questions or just want to tell me if you hated or loved this post feel free to comment below. Until next time, always a pleasure.
-Kirk